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How a young military leader battled bulimia and was able to heal through a chain reaction starting with her thoughts!
A principle rule of life is that whatever passes from one’s head to one’s heart will affect every move made with body, mind, and spirit. A chain reaction of healing must take the place of a negative self-image. By a sequence of self destructive thoughts, words and deeds, bulimia infected me. Like a carnivorous, sinister monster, it controlled most things in my life, and caused unhappiness with my direction in life and overall self-loathing. What once were innocent thoughts became my beliefs!
My personal war with bulimia started as series of minor battles. From managing my food intake to my obsession with exercise, these skirmishes went to my core. I excelled at pushing myself to the point where I was willing to give up my own freedom and health to serve others. Ultimately, this mindset would accomplish any mission required of me. From an All American softball player, to First Lieutenant Marine Corps Officer, I was with the elite. On the surface I may have been calm, cool and collected; but inside I was a churning whirlpool of misguided passions. I was my own worst critic.
The chain reaction of negative events had gone so far that my body’s every movement had the tattoo of bulimia attached to it. My personal discontent had reached a point where my ability to lead effectively got in the way. Time seemed to stand still. During my deployment to the Sunni Triangle during Operation Iraqi Freedom III, my time was filled with daily missions, operational preparation, and female insurgent escort. Personally I began filling my body, mind, and spirit with fatigue of criticism, restricting, over-indulging, and anxiety. With talking to my father, a few Marines I respected, and listening to my heart, I realized I had to say something and get help or else, God forbid, I could hurt someone else by my lack of attention to detail. I was medevac’d home to the United States knowing, as explained to me, that my career in the United States Marine Corps, would be over!! In retrospect, Bulimia was the bullet with my name on it. My battle was do or die, and it needed to end.
Following my medevac, I encountered feelings of intense guilt that I did not FINISH the job I sent out to do, something very unlike me. I was on a slow road to recovery. During my first season of professional softball in Italy, I was finally able to let go of bulimia and let my body heal. Recovery took the power and strength given to me by God, the support and the encouragement from loved ones, and the constant mindfulness and flow of positive information.
My healing manifested itself in many forms of the mind, body, and spirit and I was able to heal in my mind with the help of this concept:
“May Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your character,
Your values become your destiny.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
The slow and steady pilgrimage from my mind to my heart was the longest trip I ever made. I learned why crucial, positive self-talk is vital to mental health and how beautiful my mind was with re-occurring positive thoughts substituting my bad ones. My spiritual recovery was the most crucial. I HAD to rely on God, and with HIM I would have faith-talks that bolstered my belief in myself through his love for me.
My physical recovery also came with time and patience. I took part in Team-in-Training engaging in voluntary health and exercise programs that kept me active with other like-minded people. I am now a Doctor of Physical Therapy and helping people not only with their physical ailments, but also their mental and spiritual components, I find to be very fulfilling. I train crossfit adaptive athletes as well as teach mobility at my local crossfit gym. I can tailor effective workouts and exercises athletes, both healthy and those with disabilities or dysfunctions need and love to fit their capabilities. With my days centered on helping others heal, I am being healed, and I take time for myself each day to keep the balance alive. Being in a profession of always helping others, my desire to reach out has expanded, manifesting into other areas such as speaking and writing. I have been invited to speak on the subject of building healthy body image with not only young men and women, but military leaders, and wounded warriors. It is true that when you give to others, you receive, but you must first know how to give to yourself.
I give to myself through meditation, yoga, preparing a good meal, prayer, and crossfit. I am delighted to have the energy to manage personal affairs now, that seven years ago I would not have been able to do. See your struggles as a gift. Remember: what the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve! I challenge you to take the pilgrimage from your mind to your heart, it starts with your thoughts…..
This article originally appeared on NEDA.
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